I’m happy for you. But I won’t attend your baby shower.


Well, I accomplished my #1 publication goal for 2017: The Washington Post. This is a personal piece about the grief of being child-free (but not by choice) during a life stage when pregnancy announcements and baby shower invitations are everywhere.


Finding out a friend is pregnant with her first child immediately puts a damper on our friendship. It makes regular visits and updates emotionally draining and painful.

I want a child so badly that sometimes it physically hurts. But because of health risks, a biological child will never be an option, and adoption isn’t currently in the cards. I’m child-free for the foreseeable future, but not by choice. There’s a lot of grief tied up in it. [Continue reading over at the Washington Post]

4 thoughts on “I’m happy for you. But I won’t attend your baby shower.

  1. Beautiful piece. I completely feel your pain. I have a few questions to ask you: do you believe in your heart that you can’t truly know what authentic love is until you have a baby? Why? Why does it take having a baby to be able to feel and know authentic love? Why does a person have to validate themselves through another person?


    • Thank you for reading. 🙂

      Oh, I don’t believe that at all. It’s just that it’s hurtful and thoughtless when people with children say that to people who don’t have them. It’s more of a “Gee, thanks” kind of moment. But it isn’t a helpful thing for people to say period, regardless of who they are talking to.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for taking the time to read, Ellen! It was exciting to have something published on Washington Post, and even better to get several very sweet emails from people who for different reasons can’t have children and could relate. They said I made them feel less alone — but, really, they made me feel less alone.


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